Is divorce the answer? People often struggle with when to finally get a divorce. Well, let me tell you, there is no “perfect” time to call it quits. No one wants to get a divorce. Divorce was not even a thought when you got married. It was a thought that you could not even entertain and now you find yourself thinking about it day after day. Nothing you do takes your mind off the thought of divorce. In fact, you find yourself fantasizing about what life could be like after divorce. You can see it, and, boy, does it look good. But you wonder if you can really say these thoughts out loud.
If you recognize your situation below then it is time for you to consider finding a therapist or counselor so you can say out loud what you have been thinking and experiencing. Before you get too comfortable with the idea of divorce or fantasize about life after divorce so much that it becomes the only possibility for you, you should give yourself the gift of a confidential conversation with therapist or counselor. With a counselor, you can work through the feelings and thought processes that have brought you to the point of considering divorce. Then you can decide whether divorcing is the right decision for you and your family.
Angry silence. You and your spouse are not communicating about important issues in your marriage. Heck, you barely speak to each other at all. It is tense when you are in the same room and you find yourself doing everything possible to not to have to talk to your spouse. It is hard to make couples therapy work if you can't be in the same room with your spouse. If you have children, you might have even stooped so low as to communicate through your children - “Sweetie, can you ask your dad if he is planning on picking you up from school today?” Communication has clearly dried up. Silence is preferred.
The only communication is fighting. So, now the fighting really begins because it is impossible to have a marriage with absolutely no communication. You have held it in. You are ready to explode. It is getting harder and harder to control your temper. The marriage, the house, your world is now filled with constant negativity. You know you should not fight in front of your children, friends, and family. You are smart enough to know that fighting in front of others is never good, but you have a real problem controlling your temper. Now, you have to listen to your thoughts. You need control back in your life. A therapist can help. Remember divorce can be a win/win for everyone (even the children).
No desire to communicate. At this point, you are not able to relate to your spouse. In fact, you can’t connect on any subject. Let’s just say you are not on the same page. Heck, you might not even be in the same book. You both are living in separate worlds and agree on nothing. You are thinking, “How did I ever marry this person?” You have tried and tried to find common ground, and nothing works. You really are at the end of your rope.
Is it time to give up on this marriage? The answer to this question can be complicated and a therapist might help you find the answer. You may be wondering if you should do individual therapy or couples counseling or even family therapy. This decision obviously is different for everyone. The one person who could help you make the best decision for YOU is a therapist with whom you can honestly discuss your marriage and possibility of divorce or reconciliation.